


Canada

by dnkshot



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:55:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23695006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dnkshot/pseuds/dnkshot
Summary: in which after a nasty fight with donghyuck, mark leaves for canadaorin which mark leaves to canada, leaving his friends to help pick up donghyuck and fix his heart
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	Canada

**Author's Note:**

> this fic has been a journey to write. With the first draft being made in September and the final draft being posted right now. It may not be my best, with unneeded anger and angst, but it is my baby. I wrote the first version when I was going through a lot and so it is, in a way, a vent. 
> 
> take from it what you will, think of it what you want but please do not say anything too harsh. it has a lot of personal experiences twisted in and i hold it very close to my heart. the original had 6k words and barely 19 pages, this one has almost 10k words and about 23 pages and i am so proud of my growth as a writer.
> 
> oh if you like it i write aus on angeIsung and dnkshoot <3 (yeah its angel with a capital i for the l)

“How can you expect me to know how you feel?” Mark was exhausted. He was always trying to read the younger boy's mind, attempting to figure out how he felt and what he wanted, and yet the younger never seemed satisfied. 

“How can you expect me to know how I feel, let alone express it? All I’ve ever been taught was to keep my feelings in and go with what other people around me want! I thought you said that you’d be patient, teach me how to let people in, and how to open up!” Donghyuck fired back at the elder, standing up from his spot on the couch. The same spot he claimed the first time he went to Mark, shaking and covered in dirt. It was there that Mark cleaned Donghyuck’s wounds, and it was there that they shared their first kiss. 

It was Donghyuck’s spot.

“You could at least try,” Mark ran a hand through his hair. The two boys started fighting almost an hour ago when Donghyuck got upset at his boyfriend for trying to get him to open up about something he wasn't ready to talk about.

“I am trying Mark, I really am,” Donghyuck sighed. It was true, he had opened up a lot to Mark. He had broken down many times in his boyfriend's arms and told him about his family, about Jungwoo. “I don't think you understand, and I think we need time to cool down. I'll be back later.” The sun kissed boy walked out the door, and out of Mark's life. Just for a little bit, it was only supposed to be for a little bit.

Mark didn’t even try to stop him from leaving.

Instead, the older ran his hands over his face and through his hair. He walked into his kitchen and with a shaking hand he grabbed a glass from the cabinet. He walked over to the sink and turned on the tap, letting the cool water fill his cup to the brim, and eventually run down his hand. He stared into space for what felt like hours, letting his mind run wild with thoughts and memories of the boy he was in love with. 

He shook his head and cleared his mind before turning off the tap and taking a sip of water, but the glass was a bit too slick with water and his hands a bit too shaky, causing it to fall to the floor and shatter, shards of glass hitting the floor. 

Hearing the sound of the glass break caused something inside of Mark to snap, and soon the young boy was on the floor, shaking and crying, trying to catch his breath and understand what had just happened.

While Mark was crying in the kitchen, Donghyuck was doing what he did best - running. That's what he’d always done when he was upset. Whether it was anger, sadness, or confusion, running always helped clear his mind. It’s what he’d been doing the night that he met Mark. 

Running like his life depended on it, tears streaming down his face and thoughts all over the place. He had just gotten into a huge fight with his dad, worse than usual, and he was desperately trying to clear his head. Donghyuck never expected to run into anyone at 1 am on a Tuesday. 

Most people were asleep, but not Mark. Instead, the boy had been out getting groceries. He was walking back to his apartment, a few bags filled with food to last him a couple weeks clutched in his hands. He wasn’t paying much attention to his surroundings, walking without any rush or true purpose. He was simply enjoying his late night walk home. 

  
  


Mark always looked so care free to Donghyuck. He looked happy, like he was just enjoying his life and not worrying or stressing too much over the things that didn't matter, such as getting settled down, falling in love, being extremely successful… He was just living in the Now. 

It was due to the way Mark was always smiling, laughing, and just _living_ that reminded Donghyuck of summer. 

The way he tasted like watermelon, which he was almost always eating. The way Mark was so warm and loving. How he always wanted to wear shorts and his smile was contagious, and how it lit up the room. Mark might call Donghyuck Sunshine, or compare him to the sun, but the truth was that Donghyuck was simply just a sunflower, who thrived in Mark's light and love. Mark Lee was the actual sun.

While Mark reminded Donghyuck of the summer, Donghyuck reminded Mark of Autumn.

How he always smelled of spices and wore oversized sweaters with glasses that would rest low on his nose. He radiated an aura that reminded Mark of staying inside and watching leaves fall off the trees. Donghyuck looked warm and comfortable, he felt soft and safe. His voice was soothing and his lips tasted like chai tea. He was perfect in Mark's eyes.

Donghyuck snapped his eyes open, stopping dead in his tracks. He left Mark in the middle of a fight. He didn’t say I love you, which was something the couple has been doing for ages. No matter what the other did or how upset they were, they always said I love you before leaving. Just in case they never saw each other again, just in case the other forgot. 

Donghyuck started to run again, this time in the direction of the apartment. He ran like his life depended on it, because in a sense it did. He apologized when he ran into people, though he never stopped for more than a second. He ran as fast as possible, ignoring the burning pain in his lungs. When he stood outside the apartment building he stopped for a second, bent over huffing for breath. 

In the time it had taken Donghyuck to run back to the apartment, Mark had stopped crying. He stood up and cleaned the glass, cursing when he cut his finger on the broken glass. He walked into their bedroom, grabbing a suitcase out of their shared closet, as he hurriedly shoved some clothes in the suitcase.

He walked into the bathroom, catching his reflection. He stared at himself, trying to understand what was going on, but he couldn't. All he knew was that he needed to go home to Canada. He had always wanted to move to Korea, to find a life here. Now, however, he wanted, _needed_ , to go home. So, he grabbed his toothbrush from the sink and walked out of the bathroom. He finished packing and wrote a note, telling Donghyuck where he went, that he would be back in a month, not to call him and that he loved him.

And just like that, Mark Lee was in a taxi on his way to the airport to leave for Canada.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Mark had a ton of missed calls and messages from his friends and Donghyuck. He had spent almost 16 hours on the plane, with only one stop. Mark stared at his lockscreen, a picture of him and Donghyuck at the beach taken last year. He held the power button, turning off his phone, and grabbed his suitcase. He walked outside the airport to find his parents standing by the car with big smiles on their faces. 

Mark grinned and ran over to them, wrapping his arms around his mom and holding her as close as he could. He then gave his dad a hug as well, and as he was too busy catching up with his family, his phone now lay forgotten in his carry on. 

When Donghyuck had arrived at the apartment that night, he saw the broken glass and messy room. He was scared something had happened to Mark and was just about to the police when he saw the note. He read it a million times, and each time he could feel his heart breaking, piece by piece until it was completely shattered. Mark claimed that they weren't good for each other, he was going to Canada for space and not to contact him. He ended the note saying that he loved Donghyuck and he would see him soon.

Donghyuck called his friend Renjun, crying and clutching the letter to his chest. He felt like the worst boyfriend ever. Why didn't he tell Mark he loved him before he left? Why did he have to get so upset? Why wasn’t he good enough? 

Renjun was livid and rushed over to Donghyuck, holding him as he cried, and calling the rest of their friends. Johnny was the first to arrive, and fixed some tea and tried to clean up the bedroom. Taeyong, Taeil, Jaemin, and Jeno arrived a little bit later and the boys tried to avoid asking what had happened, knowing that Donghyuck would explain more when he was ready. 

They went to get some ice cream, then came back and played a few board games and watched movies until eventually it was just Johnny and Renjun awake. The two boys talked about what they knew had happened and how they felt, whilst Renjun snuggled with Donghyuck, letting his best friend hold onto him and fall asleep. Johnny continued to attempt to call Mark, just to tell him to get his ass back here.

When Mark got back to his parents house he went upstairs to his old room and unpacked. When he finished he turned his phone back on and finally read all the messages his friends had sent him. He chose to reply to none and instead cleared out all of the notifications, deleting voicemails and skipping over snapchats. He knew full well that he was being an ass, but he didn’t care at the moment. 

As the weeks passed by Mark continued to ignore his friends in Korea and instead caught up with loved ones in Canada. Eventually, the calls and messages stopped coming in…. The trip that was supposed to last just a few weeks turned into months, and the months turned into 2 years.

Donghyuk’s heart still hurt, but he was slowly healing. Renjuns anger lessened, and they all slowly started to learn how to move on and continue life without Mark. Mark, however, decided he was finally ready to return.

Mark had found out from the landlord that Donghyuck still lived in the apartment. He knew that he should tell Donghyuck he was coming, or that he should not return to the apartment, but the place was in his name and he had been paying rent for it, despite not having lived there for two years.

He still hadn’t reached out to any of his friends in two years, so no one was expecting him to arrive home. He figured he could talk to Donghyuck when he got there. It was 2 am when he arrived, and he quietly opened the door to the apartment, hoping Donghyuck wasn’t awake. 

It was wrong. It was so very wrong for Mark to come back unannounced to the place that he knew his ex-boyfriend still lived. Especially at such an early hour in the morning. He knew, and yet he didn’t stop. Something inside him was telling him to come back; the same thing that told him to leave.

He turned on a light so he could see better, and noticed that the place had barely changed. There were however a few new pictures, the couch had different pillows, and the kitchen was a bit messy. Mark slowly creeped towards the bedroom and opened the door. He saw a very familiar figure laying in the bed, the light from his phone illuminating his face.

“Donghyuck…” Mark whispered from the doorway, his voice cracking.

“Mark…?” Donghyuk’s voice was hushed. He put his phone down and looked over at the door, squinting in an attempt to see if there was actually someone at his bedroom door and he wasn’t just hearing things. Donghyuck reached towards the lamp on the bedside table and turned it on. The room filled with light as Donghyuck widened his sleepy eyes in shock.

“You’re back…”

“I’m back.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

After the two ex - lovers started at each other for what felt like a million years, Donghyuck messaged Renjun, telling him that Mark was here and he needed to come over. Renjun, thinking it was another hallucination, came over prepared to calm his friend down. Instead he was shocked to see that Mark Lee was in fact there, standing in the middle of Donghyuck’s, well... Marks living room.

“So…” Renjun started, sitting down at the table across from Mark. He took a sip of his tea and he stared at his old friend, “You finally decided to come back two years later in the middle of the night, with no heads up?” Renjun sounded bitter. 

Renjun pulled out his phone and called Johnny telling him to get the boys to Donghyuck’s now. The six boys were fast, scared that something had happened to their friend again. When they arrived to see Mark however, they were silent. They didn’t talk, and Johnny went to grab Donghyuk’s hand, squeezing it. Taeyong grabbed a pill bottle and got one out, handing it to Jaemin who gave it to Donghyuck, who was also given a water bottle from Jeno.

Eventually they were all sitting at the dining table in their old familiar spots, holding mugs of tea. The tension was thick and everyone but Mark was on high alert for Donghyuck.

“Yeah, I’m back.” Mark broke the silence. He knew he would be seeing Donghyuck almost immediately, but he wasn’t ready to see the others so fast... He planned to avoid them for a few days. What he didn’t know was that Renjun had moved across the hall, and Jaemin and Jeno were in a building just down the road. Last he heard the three lived with their parents still.

“Why… Why are you back?” Donghyuck whispered it, staring into his mug.

“It was time for me to come back.” Mark shrugged. 

  
  


“Said who?” Jaemins' eyes snapped from Donghyuck to Mark, “You left without saying shit to anyone, just leaving some bullshit note for Hyuck to find. You left in the middle of a fight and refused to talk to any of use for two years. Two goddamn years Mark! You had us worried about you as we tried to help Donghyuck and care for him, constantly being on call for him. We gave up on you coming back, and now you decide it's _suddenly_ _time_ for you to come back? No! Fuck you Mark Lee!” Jaemin’s hands were gripping his mug so tightly that his knuckles were white and you could see the veins in his arms popping out. It was a miracle that the fragile mug didn't break. Jeno set his hand on Jaemins thigh, sending him a look only Renjun and Jaemin understood. A look that said ‘calm down, I’m here, you’ll be ok. It’ll be ok.’

“You… You told me to open up more… You yelled at me for not being open enough and for being so scared all the time! You didn’t even stop me from leaving! When I came back you were gone! You _knew_ that was my biggest fear! For months we saw instagram posts and snapchat story updates from you, yet you didn’t even bother to contact the people that cared for you! You left me all alone, in the middle of a fight. Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?” Donghyuck let out a whimper as tears welled up in his eyes, but he refused to cry. He wiped his eyes, took a deep breath, and looked up at Mark.

His Mark. His diary. His safe place. His anchor. His lifeline. His love.

“You broke me Mark Lee.”

“Hyuckie…,” Mark started, but Renjun quickly shut Mark up.

“Don’t call him that! You have no right to talk to him like you two are close. Not after you left, ignored us, broke all of our hearts in the middle of the night and come back two years later. You don’t get to act like everything is okay!” Renjun looked beyond pissed. Jeno had to give him the same look that he had given Jaemin.

“Mark, you know I loved you a lot. You were like a brother to me, and all I wanted was for you to do what was best for you, do what would make yourself happy… But what you did was fucked up. You can’t come here and act like it’s all fine after two years, Mark. You have to earn forgiveness,” Johnny sounded calm as he spoke, his words sounding almost nice. It hit Mark like a bullet to the heart.

“You have no idea what the aftermath was like. How much you hurt us, especially Donghyuck. I still have nightmares over what happened. I wake up in the middle of the night terrified that he’s gone,” Taeil took a deep breath, closing his eyes, before letting it out. He stood up and took his, Taeyong’s, and Renjun’s mugs to the sink.

“I think we all have nightmares still,” Taeyong whispered.

“The scars, the physical and mental ones… They remind us of how hard we had to fight for him. How hard he had to fight for himself,” Jeno's voice was shaky, as his eyes teared up as he stared at his best friend, whose eyes were glazed over as he stared into his half full mug. “When his sleeves slide up, or his shorts ride up and I catch a glimpse of his scars… when I see that part of him that he keeps hidden away... I get reminded about how his dad hurt him, and how you hurt him. It fills me with anger, knowing that you two hurt him so goddamn much. But… I also am filled with pride, knowing he went through such hell and survived. I’m so fucking proud of him for being here, and I feared the day you would came back, because I was terrified he would relapse if he saw you. That all the work we did to build him up would have been in vain and he’d shatter again. I’m so scared that we will lose him.” Jeno had tears streaming down his face and Jaemin wiped them while Renjun held onto his hand.

“What… What happened?” Mark was scared for the answer, worried that his worst nightmare had come true and that he was the cause of it all. He didn’t think him leaving would hurt Donghyuck that much at all. 

Renjun shot Mark a glare. A glare so full of hatred that Mark was scared. When he spoke, his words were full of venom, and Mark never knew a sweet and loving person such as Renjun could be capable of sounding like that. Yet here he was, being sent galaxies full of detestation from Renjun via glaring.

“He tried to kill himself, you fucking idiot!” With that, Renjun stood up from his seat and leaned across the table, punching Mark square in the jaw. Mark did not retaliate, he just let the boy hit him, knowing he deserved it. 

Renjun then grabbed Jenos hand and dragged him out of the apartment. Jaemin followed after he made sure with Johnny that things would be fine. Donghyuck was silently sobbing, his tears falling into his tea cup.

Johnny picked up Donghyuck, who instantly wrapped himself into his friend's arms, his head buried in Johnny's neck. He carried the crying boy out of the apartment, and into Renjuns. Donghyuck felt so weak and helpless again.

As his friends told Mark what happened, he remembered what had happened the following months after Mark left. How Donghyuck felt so weak and helpless. Broken. He felt unloved and unneeded, like he didn’t matter. He lost his smile and appetite. Soon he lost his glow and was just a shell of his former self.

One day he couldn’t take it anymore. Between his dad, Jungwoo, and Mark he couldn't do it. Jeno had been the one who found Donghyuck bleeding out in the bathroom. He called 911 and frantically tried to save his best friend. Jeno promised he would be okay, and whispered reassuring words into his ear. By the time the paramedics arrived Jeno was covered in Donghyuck’s blood and his own tears. 

Jeno had called Renjun and they met up with the others at the hospital. Jeno refused to clean up until he knew his best friend was okay. When the news finally came that Donghyuck was alright, Jeno swore then and there to protect his friend. He stayed with Hyuck as he recovered in the hospital, and he visited daily when he was in the psych ward for two and a half weeks. When the boy was released Jeno spent a month living with him, and it was only when Renjun moved in across the hall that Jeno went back to his and Jaemin’s apartment. 

Donghyuck started having night terrors, seeing Mark or his dad and sometimes even his brother. He would freak out and call Jeno, Renjun, or Johnny. They would help him fall back asleep and promise it was just a dream. He saw a therapist weekly, and took pills to make sure he was okay and wouldn’t relapse.

He had eventually stopped hurting himself and became himself again. Then Mark waltzed back into his life. 

Mark was speechless. “I'm so sorry, I had no idea… if I did then I would have…”

“You would have what, Mark? You weren’t answering our texts or calls! You were living your own life in Canada. We all thought we would never see you again and decided to move on. There was nothing you could have or would have done. What happened has happened, and now all we can do now is watch Hyuck and make sure he is okay. And he would have been, if you didn’t show up!” Taeyongs words were harsh, just like his tone. He was cleaning off Mark's face, wiping off some of the blood from where Renjun hit the boy. Taeil had already cleaned up and left a few minutes ago.

“Just… if you’re here because you still love him, promise me that you’ll be careful. You broke him Mark, you really, truly broke him and took the sunshine from him.”

“I promise, I intend to return the sunshine,”

“He might not take you back,”

“Then I will fight. I fought once, I will do it again.”

“You better be willing to work hard. Oh, and give Jun time. It hurt him to see his friend and boyfriends’ so hurt.” Taeyong moved away from Mark's face, throwing the rag in the dirty clothes.

“Boyfriends?” Mark stood up, eyes following Taeyong.

“Jeno and Jaemin.”

“What about Johnny?”

“He has a boyfriend named Ten. He’s a Thai dancer”

“Taeil?” Mark followed Taeyong into the kitchen, noticing how his eyes lit up at the mention of the boy.

“We’re together now, it took so long but it was so worth it. He’s amazing.”

Mark was at least happy to know that his friends were finding love.

  
  


─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“It's been four days,” Renjun muttered to his boyfriend outside the door to the guest room, where Donghyuck had been locked in since Mark came back.

  
  
  


“Give him time, the boy who he’s been in love with for years, the same boy who destroyed him is back. It’s a lot to take in. I’m sure he’s fine,” Jeno whispered back. Jeno loved Renjun a lot, but his boyfriend was really impatient.

“Can you two leave him alone?” Jaemin whispered, wrapping his arms around Renjuns waist and kissing his neck softly. Jeno smiled when the youngest of the three came up, he loved seeing his boyfriends together. It filled him with so much glee.

“Minnie…” Renjun sighed, relaxing into his boyfriend's embrace, “I’m just worried.”

“Well don't be, I’m awake and I have work in an hour,” Donghyuck interrupted as he opened the door, scaring the three boys.

“You’re up! I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the Sun Cafe with me, but you have work, so nevermind!” Jeno smiled at his best friend.

“We can go after my shift tomorrow,” Hyuck replied, giving his friend a hug “But I’m going to go shower and get ready for work right now.”

When the boy shut the bathroom door Jaemin moved from Renjun to Jeno and softly kissed him. “I love you two, but I have to go. Class starts soon.” with that Jaemin was gone, heading to university.

Renjun sighed and went into his room, Jeno following. Donghyuck hadn’t been seen by his friends in days. They had thought he was locked in the guest room at Renjuns apartment, but the truth was he wasn't in the building at all.

Donghyuck had snuck out through the window, climbing onto the fire escape ladder. It was a route he had planned out a year and a half ago when he needed to escape and go on a walk alone. Donghyuck was heavily watched at the time and it drove him crazy. 

For the last four days he had been with one of his brother’s old friends, Hendery. He had gone to work and school, carefully avoiding his friends. He talked to his therapist and Hendery about what happened. About how he felt and how he would deal with it. Hendery even offered to let him move in with him, saying that his fiance shouldn't mind. He said he would be fine, the only way he could get better was to face Mark daily. 

Maybe one day his heart won't skip a beat when he sees him, or flutter when he talks. Maybe one day Donghyuck will have moved on. But for now, he had to get ready for work.

Donghyuck worked in a flower shop. He spent his day watching couples both young and old buying flowers for their significant other. Flowers for mothers on mother's day. Fathers coming in to buy their daughter a rose for her performance tonight, as the mom stayed in the car applying her lipstick. Flowers for family, for the sick, for those who were gone. Donghyuck had sold flowers for every possible reason.

He loved working there, selling flowers and talking to customers and putting together bouquets and displays. It was relaxing and almost therapeutic for Donghyuck.

Donghyuck stepped out of the shower, dripping with water. He grabbed a towel and dried off, then slipped his tanned legs into his favorite pair of black jeans and looped his belt through his jeans. His hands moved fast, and as he finished he looked up and stared at himself. 

His hair was wet, his eyes tired and dark. He had a red towel draped around his neck, his chest bare, showing the scars he had from his dad. He stared at himself wondering how he had gotten here. Why did he have to be the one with all the scars and insecurities?

He shook his head, hearing Jeno’s voice in his mind saying how Donghyuck was beautiful and one day a boy would come along and make him believe it. He tossed the towel onto the floor and threw on a soft yellow shirt, with the store's name on the back.

Bleeding Heart.

It was named after the owner, Jaehyun’s husband's favorite flower. Jaehyun had opened the shop not long after marrying Doyoung, who owned the Sun Cafe. Which was Donghyuck and Jenos favorite cafe.

The two made Donghyuck have hope that love was real, that he would find it. They had gone through a lot, but they still made it through it together. Donghyuck wanted something like that.

Jaehyun met Donghyuck when the younger one was running. It was pouring outside and Donghyuck was only in a thin shirt and shorts. He didn’t even have his phone on him. Jaehyun was walking to the Sun Cafe so he could go home with his husband, when Donghyuck ran into him. 

Jaehyun didn’t speak as he saw the young boy, soaking wet and crying. All he did was hold out his hand, helping him up and took him to the Sun Cafe with him. Doyoung saw the two and immediately opened the door, asking what had happened. Donghyuck didn't say a word.

Doyoung ended up getting him a cup of hot chocolate and a muffin, and the three boys sat at a table in the middle of the cafe, silent. Donghyuck drank his hot chocolate and ate his muffin, his eyes now dry and his heart slowing down. That was all it took for Jaehyun to offer him a job at Bleeding Heart and a special spot in his heart, making Donghyuck his unofficial son.

Donghyuck could never thank Jaehyun enough. He could never repay him for everything he had done over the last couple years. He always did his best though, never missing work or being late. He would stay late and refuse bonuses, or telling Jaehyun he was fine handling the shop alone so he could go on a date with Doyoung. He never asked for a raise or complained about the work. He tried to be the ideal employee.

He finished drying his hair and looked at himself one last time, telling himself he was worth it before walking out of the bathroom. He slid on his favorite hoodie. It was Mark’s at one point but when he left Donghyuck adopted it. It was light gray and had a sharpie drawing of a sun on the front. That was something Donghyuck had drawn on one of his first few times hanging out with Mark.

Donghyuck walked into the guest room, slipped on socks and his black vans before grabbing his keys and wallet. He turned off the light and walked out of the room, shouting goodbye to Renjun and Jeno and walking out of the door. He didn’t expect for Mark to be walking out of his apartment at the same time...

“Donghyuck…” the tension was thick, as the two boys stood in the middle of the hallway staring at each other.

“Mark.” Donghyuck spoke sharply, his voice filled with bitterness, a stark difference to the way he used to say Mark’s name, which had been filled with love and adoration. He pulled up his hood and stood up a bit straighter.

“Can we talk? Just us?”

“I have work, then I need to do school work. Maybe some other time,” the younger spoke cooly, his voice and face perfectly masking how he was actually feeling. He pushed past Mark, and as he did he got a whiff of the boys cologne. It smelled so familiar, so nice. Donghyuck had to stop himself from taking in another deep breath and falling into Mark's arms again.

But something about Mark's cologne, something about how it made Donghyuck feel caused him to pause and turn around. He looked the older up and down, already regretting what he was about to say.

“My break is at 3:20, if you want to stop by then. I work at Bleeding Heart, it’s a flower shop around the corner from Sun Cafe.” Donghyuck turned away and this time, Donghyuck really did walk away.

Mark hadn’t expected to run into Donghyuck - he hadn’t seen him at all in the last four days. Jeno had come over once to get some of Donghyuck’s things and to tell Mark that the boy would be living with Renjun until further notice. Mark nodded and wondered how long it would be until Donghyuck came out and Mark finally saw him, and how long until the two could sit down and talk.

“Bleeding heart… that was Jungwoos favorite flower.” Mark stared at the space where Donghyuck had just been. 

Donghyuck had grown up surrounded by hatred and alcohol. His dad was an abusive alcoholic, and his mom just an alcoholic. The two shouldn’t have had kids, they weren’t fit to be parents. And yet, they still had children - Jungwoo and Donghyuck. The two were extremely close, Jungwoo always trying to protect Donghyuck from their dad’s drunken punches and sober burning. Donghyuck protected Jungwoo from their mom’s harsh words, they were a team. They were always together and always there for each other... Until they weren’t.

Jungwoo had been driving their dad home from the police station. Their dad had gotten into a bar fight and the police had taken him into their custody. Their mom was too drunk to drive and pick him up, so Jungwoo told Donghyuck he loved him and left to get their dad. Jungwoo wasn’t comfortable with driving in the rain and it was pouring out, but he knew he had to.

The accident wasn’t Jungwoos fault, it was their dads. Everyone knew it, but no one would dare to say so to DongHyuk's dad’s face.

Jungwoo was driving cautiously, trying his best to see out of the windshield. He wanted to just pull over and wait for the rain to stop but his dad would be mad if he did. He was already mad that Jungwoo was driving so slowly. 

He started to yell, shouting at Jungwoo to drive faster, calling him a shitty driver, saying he was doing it on purpose to piss his dad off. He had tried to take the steering wheel out of Jungwoo’s hands, screaming at him to be a better driver. It was what caused the car to swerve off the road and wrap around a tree, instantly killing Jungwoo and seriously injuring their dad.

Donghyuck had seen Jungwoo’s corpse, covered in blood and lifeless. He remembered standing there in the pouring rain in the middle of the road, staring at his brother. His brother, the only person he ever trusted, his best friend, his rock, the only person who had shown him love… Dead. 

His dad blamed Jungwoo, said he wasn't paying attention, he was speeding, and that he was just a bad driver. He made sure to everyone that it was seen as Jungwoo’s fault, not his. What he didn’t say to anyone was how he was yelling at Jungwoo and tried to take the steering wheel... That it was actually his fault. 

At home the truth came out. His dad had drunkenly exposed the truth one night while fighting with Donghyucks mom. This seemed to have sparked a change in his mother as she slowly began to realize how miserable a parent she was, and how tortured Jungwoo and Donghyuck were. She started to change. She began to stand up for her son, drink less, and just be there for him more often. Donghyuck’s dad never changed, though. In fact, his behavior worsened. 

It was during a nasty fight between his parents that Donghyuck had met Mark. It was the night before the one year death anniversary for Jungwoo, and Donghyuck mom had wanted to buy flowers and go see Jungwoo with Donghyuck. His dad had called it stupid and pointless, one thing led to another and soon they were arguing over how Donghyucks dad needed to take resposibility for Jungwoos death.

When he ran into Mark the two sat down on a bench and talked for hours. They talked about everything and nothing at the same time. They ended up exchanging numbers and for the first time in two years, Donghyuck’s heart felt a little bit lighter. Happier. It was like a switch had been flipped.

Then Mark left. 

  
  


Mark shook his head, clearing his thoughts. It was two hours before Donghyuck’s break so he had to go get his groceries, come home, put them up, and get ready. And quickly! 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Donghyuck had been working for an hour already, and his mind was clear of Mark and what had happened. He watered flowers, disposed of the wilting ones, and made bouquets. He let himself get lost in the work, only looking up when the bell rang, signaling someone had come in.

“Someone seems to be happy!” Doyoung smiled as he walked into the shop.

“Doyoung! Hello!” Donghyuck greeted back, smiling as he finished tying the ribbon on a vase, “Today is such a pretty day. Jaehyun left to get something to eat, but he will be back soon!” 

“Oh, that's fine, I came here to talk to you.”

“Oh? What about?” Donghyuck was nervous, Doyoung never came just for him! The two weren’t that close, but Donghyuck knew that Doyoung loved him just as much as Jaehyun did. 

“Well, Jaehyun and I have noticed how differently you’ve been acting recently. I ran into Jaemin yesterday and he said you locked yourself in Renjun’s guest room and haven’t come out for days.... But you’ve been coming into work?” Doyoung leaned up against the counter, waiting for an explanation.

“Oh… something just uh… something happened and I locked the door and snuck out. I was with an old friend the whole time, I didn't tell anyone because I just needed my own space. I promise though, I’m fine and everything is fine.”

“Just know that we are always here for you. Jae and I will do anything we can to help you out.”

“Thanks, that means a lot. It really does.”

“Mmm, you don't have to thank us, oh and don’t answer if you don’t want to, but does it have anything to do with Mark?” The couple only knew a little bit about Mark, just the basics. They didn’t know too much because Donghyuck could never allow his heat to open up much after Mark left.

Jaehyun knew even less than Doyoung, knowing simply that Mark was a boy who Donghyuck was in love with, and who had hurt Donghyuck a lot before leaving. Doyoung knew how Mark looked, that he left for Canada in the middle of a nasty fight, how the two had met…. He only knew so much because the two boys had gone into his cafe a lot and so Doyoung overheard and picked up things. 

“Yeah… he’s back.” Donghyuck stated,his eyes widening a moment later when he finally remembered that Mark was coming by. “He’s coming to see me over break!”

It was Doyoung’s turn to be shocked, eyes widening in disbelief that Mark was back and that he was coming by the shop. Donghyuck quickly glanced at the time, seeing he had half an hour until Mark would be over. He quickly took off the hoodie he was wearing and ran into the back, putting his hoodie on the coat rack.

He went into the employee bathroom and washed his face, before shoving a piece of watermelon gum into his mouth. When he came to the front he saw Doyoung, in the same position with a knowing smirk on his face.

Donghyuck rolled his eyes and went back to work.

  
  


“Are you ready to see him… To talk to him?” Doyoung broke the silence after a while.

“I think so. Either way we need to talk so…” Donghyuck trailed off, shrugging his shoulders as he put a broom away.

Jaehyun walked in right then with a bag of takeout in his hand. He smiled when he saw his husband, and the two walked back into his office after exchanging a few words with Donghyuck.

The boy got back to work, checking his phone every five seconds. When there were five minutes left until his break began, Mark finally came, Jaehyun came out, his husband shortly following.

“So, when were you gonna tell me Mark was here?” Jaehyun questioned as he leaned over the counter. 

“When I came back from break,” Donghyuck replied easily.

  
  


“So you were gonna make me wonder who the fuck you went out with for an hour, then come back and tell me it was Mark?” Jaehyun feigned hurt.

“Of course,” Donghyuck laughed. It was then that Mark walked through the door, and Donghyuck felt his heart skip a beat.

Mark had on black jeans and a white shirt with a flannel thrown over and with a matching beanie. He looked so cute and awkward. Donghyuck motioned him over.

“Mark… this is Jaehyun, and that's his husband Doyoung.” Donghyuck pointed to the couple. “Jaehyun owns this shop and Doyoung owns Sun Cafe.”

“Oh, Sun Cafe is my favorite! ” Mark said shyly. He watched as Donghyuck walked from behind the counter and hugged the two men he had just introduced to Mark. He then took Mark's hand and dragged him out of the shop, before letting go. Mark missed the warmth of his hand already.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The two boys ended up going to a park. They were currently sitting at a picnic table in silence. Mark finally looked up and Donghyuck and broke the awkward silence.

“I shouldn’t have left.”

“You did what you thought was best.”

“I hurt you.”

“I hurt myself.”

“I should have contacted you, I should have came back sooner.”

“What happened happened, the past is the past and it probably was what was best. If you stayed we would have kept being toxic, and would have hurt each other more.”

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

“And I never wanted you to hurt yourself.”

“What?”

“I told you when we first met, I told you not to get attached. To leave. Because we would just both end up hurt, you would end up hurt.”

“And I said we would make it out together!” the two boys were now extremely close, closer than they had been in years. When Mark had spoken the last part, Donghyuck could feel his breath hot on his lips.

Donghyuck closed his eyes and slotted his lips between Marks, they probably shouldn't be kissing… They should be talking, working things out. Yet, here they were, lips pressed against each other. It felt nice and familiar, almost like home. Mark's lips were soft and he still tasted like watermelon. 

When the two pulled apart, they stared at each other again.

“I missed you Mark, I really did.. But I don't know if I want to.. If I can be with you,” Donghyuck smiled softly, taking in a deep breath.

“What do you mean Donghyuck?” Mark looked as confused as Donghyucks heart felt.

“I don't know if I love you or the thought of you, I also don't know if im mentally strong enough for a relationship.”

“What if we start over, get to know each other again and take things slowly. Then why you figure out if you love me, or if you can be with me, tell me.”

“Deal.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was the next day and Donghyuck was meeting Jeno at the Sun Cafe. Nothing had happened after he met Mark. They simply made the deal, and after Donghyuck explained what happened to Jaehyun and Doyoung he went home and did school work before eating dinner and sleeping.

Donghyuck was trying not to think about Mark, or how scared he was. He was scared Mark would leave at their first fight, that he would find out he didn't love Donghyuck or that he would hurt him again. He took a sip of his coffee and stared out the window of the cafe, waiting for Jeno.

After a few minutes Jeno sat across from Donghyuck and smiled.

“You weren’t home for four days,”

“No, I was not,” Donghyuck knew it was pointless to try and lie, Jeno always knew everything so why not just fess up?

“Johnny saw you,” Jeno explained.

“So did Taeyong.” Donghyuck shrugged. He didn’t mind that they saw him, since he knew they would only tell Jeno and leave him alone.

“How’s Hendery?” This caught Donghyuck off guard, he didn’t expect Jeno to know he was with Hendery.

“He’s good. We talked about Jungwoo and my mom. She’s divorcing my dad and turning him into the police! Donghyuck took a long drink of his coffee after he spoke.

“What about herself?” Jeno looked intrigued now.

“She’s also turning herself in, but since she never actually neglected us or left physical scars on us and has been sober for years her punishment won’t be as severe.”

“What did Hendery say about Jungwoo?” Jeno has known Donghyuck the longest, and was their only friend who knew everything about the younger. They had been friends since elementary, having met Renjun and Jaemin in middle school, then Taeyong, Taeil and Johnny in highschool.

“He said that Jungwoo wanted to become a teacher, we talked about how good of a teacher he would have been. How good of a person Jungwoo was,” Donghyuck took in a deep breath as his eyes filled with tears, “He said Jungwoo was dating a boy named Yukhei, who is from China. He went back there after he lost Woo, I think i’m going to reach out to him. I know it's been four years but it’s never too late, right?”

“Oh… Hyuckie.. Jungwoo would be glad to know that you are reaching out to Yukhei, it must have been hard on him. Having had lost the boy he loved but having no one to talk to about it.”

“It might have been four years but it hurts… It hurts so damn much,” Donghyuck wiped away his tears.

“It's okay for it to still hurt, he was your world and he got taken away so quickly.” Jeno squeezed his best friend's hand.

“I talked to Mark yesterday,” Donghyuck wiped his eyes and changed the topic suddenly.

“Oh? And?”

“We’re gonna be friends and figure out how I feel, what I want and can handle.”

“That's good, I'm glad you two can work it out like this.”

“Renjuns gonna be pissed.” Donghyuck chuckled, imagining his friend all angry.

“He just doesn’t want you hurt.”

“I don't want to be hurt,” with that, the two boys stood up and left the cafe, parting ways. Donghyuck went back to the apartments and Jeno to work.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It’s been almost a month since Mark came back now, and the whole group was hanging out today. They were gonna go to the arcade then catch a movie.

“Donghyuck, are you almost ready?” Jaemin poked his head in the guest room.

“Jaemin! Does this look cute?” Donghyuck turned around, he was wearing jeans with the bottoms rolled up, and a baggy black sweater with a frowny face. 

“Yes, now hurry up!” Jaemin rolled his eyes playfully.

“You're no help! I'm gonna call Johnny!” Donghyuck pushed Jaemin out of the room so he could get help. Jaemin smiled and walked over to Renjuns room, even though he and Jeno were over all the time, so much that they basically lived there, he didn't wanna call it his room, or their room. 

He did not expect to walk in on his boyfriends kissing, he smiled and quietly shut the door. Sneaking up behind Jeno he kissed his boyfriend's neck. Jeno smiled and pulled away from Renjun to kiss Jaemin. Renjun smiled at Jaemin, leaning across Jeno to kiss him softly on the forehead.

“Now that Jaemins is back I can get ready in peace.” Renjun pulled away from his boyfriends and walked towards his dresser.

“Now that Jaemins here he can help me distract you,” Jeno smiled as the two went to annoy their boyfriend, showering him with love and kisses.

While the three were messing around and Donghyuck was asking Johnny for help, Mark was having a crisis of his own. 

He had no idea what to wear, most of his clothes being dirty so he had to look in the very back of his closet. He was unable to tell what was his and what was Donghyucks! After a minute of searching he finally found something that he thought would work and went to take a shower, hoping he would look alright.

When he was ready he walked across the hall to Renjun’s, knocking on the door and hoping that he wasn’t about to interrupt anything.

“Mark! You look cute!” Jeno beamed as he opened the door, letting Mark in. Donghyuck walked out a second later and the two laughed when they made eye contact.

“We match!” Donghyuck giggled. Donghyuck had ended up not changing his outfit after talking with Johnny for a little bit. Mark was dressed exactly the same, except his shirt was white.

Soon Renjun and Jaemin came out and the five boys left, meeting the other three at the arcade. Mark noticed as Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun held hands. They looked cute and comfortable together. They looked complete and happy.

Things were starting to fall back into place.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

They continued on like that, hanging out together and getting to know each other all over. Donghyuck eventually moved back into the apartment, moving into the extra room. They would stay up late talking and laughing, and Donghyuck’s breaks were soon taken over by Mark or Jeno. 

Donghyuck felt his heart becoming full of love again and his world seemed a bit brighter. He talked to his mom who now lived in her own apartment and was doing well. He went to visit his dad who was in jail who was waiting for his court date. 

But, not everything was perfect. Yukhei had planned on moving back to Korea with his little brother, Chenle. He and Donghyuck had talked all the time, finally having someone who was as close to Jungwoo as he had been. 

Donghyuck introduced Yukhei to Johnny, who offered him and his brother a place to stay until they got situated in Korea. Soon everyone had talked to Yukhei, and were all excited and ready to meet him!

Hearing new stories and seeing pictures of Jungwoo that Donghyuck had never seen was painful. He imagined how it would have been if Jungwoo were still here, and how he would have introduced Hyuck to Yukhei. At night, Donghyuck found himself waking up and seeing Jungwoo, bloody and injured. He would have to force himself to fall back asleep and lie about how he had slept, not wanting to alarm any of his friends. 

He found himself tracing the scars left from himself and his dad, crying in the shower and wishing it was him who had died instead of his brother - his brother who deserved so much better.

Mark had stated that he was staying in Korea for good this time, and he would only go to Canada on planned trips, never staying too long. Mark had also become a writer, and soon published his first book called Rising Sun. It was a story about a boy who had gone through a lot of obstacles in life, a boy who no one thought would succeed, rising and becoming one of the wealthiest people in the country. It was a story about how if you never give up, if you keep fighting and pushing through the hardships it will pay off.

Jaehyun and Doyoung were going to adopt a kid, a boy only 15 years old named Jisung. He was excited to be adopted by the lovely couple, and the couple was excited to adopt him. Yukheis brother was the same age as Jisung, so they were all hoping they could become friends.

They were holding a celebration party, in honor of adopting Jisung. Yukhei and Chenle would be going, along with Donghyuck and all his friends and other people close to Jaehyun and Doyoung.

The party was at a beach a couple hours away so they were carpooling there, and would stay there for a week. Donghyuck and Mark would be in their own car, Jaemin, Jeno and Renjun in another then Taeyong, Taeil, Johnny and Johnny’s boyfriend Ten in the final car.

“Renjun, I promise i’ll be fine. Mark’s driving so don't worry,” Donghyuck said for the millionth time that morning. They were all at Renjuns eating breakfast. Jeno laughed as he and Jaemin at down at the table next to Renjun. The two boys had officially moved in from their apartment, deciding it was pointless to pay for it since they were rarely there. 

“Babe, you should trust Donghyuck before you start to sound like his mom,” Jaemin popped a strawberry into his mouth as he winked at Donghyuck who smiled back.

“Sorry, I just want him to be comfortable and safe,” Renjun smiled at Donghyuck, he had forgiven Mark, but he has yet to forget. Donghyuck understood so he reassured his friend that it was fine and he would be fine one last time, before taking his plate to the sink.

“We’re gonna get going, we have to pick Ten up from his place still,” Taeil spoke up, hugging his friends before heading to the door, Johnny hugged Donghyuck as Taeyong said his goodbyes. 

“See you soon Johnny.”

“See you soon bubba.” 

After a while Mark announced that the car was packed and they should go, so DOnghyuck got up and told his friends bye before leaving with Mark. He was really excited for this trip, and to see Jisung be announced as a part of the family.

The drive to the beach was boring, with the boys either talking about music or listening to music, Donghyuck even napped for a little bit. They finally arrived around mid-afternoon and the two boys took their things inside their beach house and up to their room. Yukhei and Chenle would also be staying in this house.

When the two boys finished Donghyuck changed into his swim trunks and threw on a white shirt and sunglasses, before following Mark down to the beach. Where the party was being held. They greeted all of their friends and chatted for a little bit.

“Donghyuck!” a voice shouted, causing Donghyuck to turn around and see Yukhei, who had a huge grin on his face and his arms open for a hug.

“Yukhei!” Donghyuck wrapped his arms around the older and held him tightly, “how are you?” 

“I’m good, we arrived yesterday and I showed Chenle around a little bit,” Yukhei nodded his head to where a young boy, Chenle, stood. Donghyuck smiled and waved to the boy, who smiled back. Yukhei motioned for Chenle to come over and the three boys talked for a little bit. 

While they were talking, Mark went and found Johnny. 

“Mark, what’s up?”

“Nothing really, Donghyuck is talking to Yukhei and Chenle so I thought I would come talk to you,” Mark sat in the sand next to Johnny. 

“I can’t believe how much happier he’s gotten over the last few months, you’re extraordinary Mark Lee.”

“I would do anything for Donghyuck,” Mark smiled as his eyes followed the boy who had owned his heart. The two boys continued to chat, it looked like, besides Mark, there were 19 people here. Some he barely knew or recognized, others he was close to.

After an hour chatting and socializing, Jaehyun, Doyoung and Jisung walked over to the microphone that was set up for the party. Jaehyun tapped on the mic, getting everyone's attention.

“Hello, thank you all so much for coming. I am truly happy you all could make it here tonight. I am sure you all know Jisung, and I am so happy that he is now a part of our family and that you all are so welcoming. We feel almost complete now, we’re just missing one thing,” Doyoung started out, his eyes searing the crowd.

“He’s not our son legally, and I know he never will be, but that’s not what’s important. We may have only met by chance, but over the last couple of years we have loved him like we love Jisung, like a parent should love a kid, so we want to give him an official unofficial spot in our family,” Jaehyun's eyes locked with Donghyucks the same time Doyoungs did. And the boy felt his body go still.

“Lee Donghyuck, will you come here?” Jaehyun looked at Donghyuck, reassuring him that this was what he really wanted. And so the boy walked from where he stood in the crowd, walked away from Yukhei and Mark and over to the husbands. To unofficially officially join his new family. He knew that Jaehyun saw Donghyuck as his son, and that the couple were nearly ten years older than Donghyuck, so it wasn’t that weird of a concept to Donghyuck.

It was a really soft moment, as the four boys hugged with all their friends watching. It was a moment that Donghyuck would remember forever. 

Donghyuck believed that everyone had 3 types of families, and he now had two of them.

Donghyuck had his birth family. The one he didn’t choose but was born into. The family he was related to by blood. Even if they weren't all that close, they were still family. Then, he has his pseudo family. The family that he chose, the one made out of his friends and people close to him. The family that he didn’t need to have, yet was given. The family with Jaehyun, Doyoung and Jisung. The family who accepted him for who he was and would always love and chose him. No matter how badly he messed up, or how damaged he was.

All he needed was his marriage family. The one he would start with the person who he loved and married. The one that he would spend his life with and adopt kids with and Mark hoped that he could be that person for Donghyuck.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The part had died down, and people had gone back to their beach houses. Donghyuck stood with his new family as he and Jisung got congratulations and hugs from everyone. Mark approached Donghyuck from behind, and wrapped his arms around the boy. 

“Donghyuck, can we talk?” Mark whispered into the boy’s neck. Donghyuck nodded and told everyone goodbye, and goodnight. Before sliding his hand into Mark’s and walking off with him.

They walked along the shore line for a little bit, then when they were far away, Mark spun Donghyuck to face him. He congratulated the boy on his new family, and said how proud he was for him. They talked for a little bit, Donghyucks arms wrapped around Marks neck and Marks arms around Donghyucks waist.

“Do you love me?” Mark asked eventually, his eyes searching Donghyucks.

“Mark… I meant to tell you I just didn’t know when or how…” Donghyuck looked nervous.

“What's your answer?” Mark hated how desperate and needy his words sounded, but truth was, he was desperate for Donghyuck. It had been almost 10 months since he had returned to Korea and the two boys had talked a lot. They worked out all of their issues and talked about what went wrong. They fixed their relationship. Sure, they had arguments over that time, but they were never bad and neither one left the apartment until they made up.

Mark knew that a lot had gone wrong in their past, but he believed the two had grown up and changed a lot and could do it this time. He believed they could really work out this time, he just needed to know if Donghyuck wanted this.

“Mark…”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you didnt cry or cringe too much <3
> 
> if you want to sue for any reason, contact my lawyer 
> 
> if you are in an abusive relationship and need help getting out call the domestic violence hotline  
> 1-800-799-7233  
> for suicide  
> 1-800-273-8255  
> (i think this is just for america, but to find the right number for where you live, just google suicide hotline or domestic violence hotline)
> 
> things to clear up bc yeah i suck at writing:  
> doyoung and jaehyun are 10 years older than the others.  
> 2tae, and johnny are 1 year older than norenmin and markhyuck.  
> norenmin and markhyuck are 22 when mark comes back.  
> jungwoo, hendery and yukhei are 3 years older than donghyuck.  
> mark and donghyuck worked a Lot on their relationship and figured out who they were an what they wanted in the months before the party.
> 
> the ending is open and i dont intend to make an ending for this. whether the two get back together or no is up to each person. i havent even decided what they do for myself.


End file.
